Discreet City | Nick Delmacy
Since its only January there is technically still time to begin even more new starts and resolutions now that the 21st Century has officially entered its' teenage years. When it comes to dating, many of us need a firm kick in the ass to finally follow common sense advice to avoid more frustration and heartache. Even I'm guilty of falling into the same old traps and ignoring blatant Red Flags telling me that I'm wasting my time.
So to help us all in 2013, I've compiled the Top 50 Quick Dating Tips I could think of in regards to dating and relationships with men. Many of these tips are pretty obvious but sometimes we need a big, bold reminder of what we need to do in the future. Consider this your reference guide for what to do when you meet a new guy that's being inconsistent or not texting back fast enough. Feel free to add your own quick dating tips for fellow readers in the comments section!
Read Tips 26 - 50 of the Top 50 Quick Dating Tips for the New Year, In Just One Click.
Some guys like to play it cool, but the fact of the matter is if you play it TOO cool, you’re gonna lose. Taking initiative shows interest. If all of the effort is coming from your direction, that’s a clear sign that his interest level is extremely low. Focus your energy on someone that wants you as much as you want them.
Even the most mundane details about a person’s life are extremely fascinating when they’re coming from someone you’re interested in. Sharing this information with a guy (especially in the beginning) and he forgets is a clear sign that he’s either juggling way too many men or he’s just not interested.
If he’s texting you how bad he wants to see you but never seems available when you call his bluff, he’s full of shit. This applies to anything else that contradicts his words. A person will never have to tell you they’re interested if they actually show it.
Body language says a lot. If when you go out, he barely makes eye contact or constantly checks his cell phone, this is him non-verbally telling you that you’re just a time-filler for him. You’re a better alternative than being alone for the night since the guy he REALLY wants doesn’t want him.
This should be taught to all young gay men looking for love from day one. During the initial conversations where you both are getting to know each other, everything is pretty interesting…if you’re both into each other. Next time you’re out, ask him a question and see if he returns it, if not he doesn’t give a shit.
This is factoring time for work hours, but 2-3 hours is usually a safe deletion period as well. In this day and age, most everyone has a smartphone and stays pretty close to it at all times. Not getting a response for hours typically means that he saw your text, but chose not to respond.
Slow texters have way too much going on in their lives. It takes all of 5-30 seconds to reply to a text…even if it’s just to say, “Hey, working. Will hit you back later.” If he’s got so many things going on at one time that he can’t text back quickly, what makes you think he’ll have time to date you?
Even given the rules of texting, this is not real conversation. There are nuances and spontaneity that arises from voice-to-voice flow of dialogue. Text messages are often short, vague and prone to misinterpretation.
This usually means one of two things, his life is so hectic the only time he can squeeze you in is late at night OR he’s cheating on his boyfriend with you. Either way, you’re not one of the priorities in his life.
The Art of Conversation is not a skill that many people possess but we’re not talking rocket science here. If he’s just a plain bore, let him go. The dating process is the period where you get to know one another. A man that can’t hold up his end of a conversation makes that impossible.
Every past meet up, date and/or relationship is a lesson. Learn from these experiences and grow. What that also means is you shouldn’t repeat the past if it hasn’t worked for you. Why keep dating the same types of men if every one of them has led to the same result. If guys with lots of tattoos and no job always seem to let you down, STOP DATING THAT TYPE OF GUY!
Deleting the number is the only sure way to resist the urge to make a fool of yourself, especially when drunk texting. The “I miss you” texts are just potential self-esteem busters because you run of the risk of him blowing you off after your declaration.
Every guy that I dated who was ALREADY in a relationship complained about their boyfriend’s excessive jealousy. What they failed to accept was that their lover’s suspicions were actually TRUE. Listen to your gut feelings, oftentimes they’re right on the money.
The main problems with dating arises when a guy becomes distant, busy or inaccessible. If the man is at least around and seems into you, all other problems can eventually be worked out.
The same way that sexy, muscled man you’re dating flirts with you while drunk is the same way he flirts with others when not around you. I’ve personally witnessed a flirtatious man supposedly in a relationship give in after a couple heavily poured drinks.
Being on equal ground is important, especially in the beginning. It’s more interesting if each person is somewhat a challenge to acquire. It’s important to show interest, but if you appear to be ready to pick out drapes for your hypothetical home together, that could scare him off.
Play this any way you choose but just know what you’re getting yourself into. You hold the power, either way. I’ve been on both sides of this and it’s definitely better to be on the receiving end of one of these texts than on the giving.
This is the definition of a Rebound Situation. I can see if it had been six months or even a year. But a month or less later, those feelings for his EX haven’t been shut off just yet. If you’re okay with the occasional cancelled date and ignored text message from him due to him being off and on with his recent "Ex", then go for it!
With 7 billion people in the world, why fight to stay with someone that constantly demonstrates that he’d rather be with someone else or alone? Speaking from experience, I’ve personally wasted precious months of my life on men that, in hindsight, saw me just as a low-priority "one of many."
Even the relationships that last 50 years end because someone will eventually die in the long run. I say that to say: Look at every encounter, even the negative ones, as a lesson for the next. Don’t mourn the loss of the person, celebrate the good memories you both share together.
When he tells you a CLASSIC GAY LIE, the urge is to believe him…especially if he is attractive or financially stable or great to talk to...Deleting the number from your phone and cutting him off is the only sure-fire way to resist urge to fall for more bullshit.
Everyone has to deal with the dating game bullshit eventually. Most of us have fallen victim to the gay sociopaths and game players of the world at one point or another. The key thing is to not let those experiences cause you to assume that every other situation will have the same result. In my book, everyone starts off with good credit. It’s on them to keep their credit score high.
Unless one person is in the Military, gay long distance relationships rarely work out. True they may talk and text every day, but that alone does not make a relationship. If you’re that desperate to exchange mail with someone, there are plenty of fit men in prison that would love to hear from you.
This STILL happens to one sexy, tattoo-filled light skin man that I know yet he STILL gets more elaborate and costly tattoos. He’s showing the world where his priorities are. True that a tattoo is more permanent than a temporary phone bill, but being able to pay your bills on time demonstrates responsibility, a key quality to have for any potential mate.
Many young gay men don’t know the difference between Love and Lust. Even I’ve had my moments where I confused the desire to be with a man for Love instead of what it really was: The Strong desire to have sex. If Love is what you think is causing you hesitation from leaving a bad relationship, consider the possibility that it may just be the sex.
Read Tips 1 - 25 of the Top 50 Quick Dating Tips for the New Year, In Just One Click.
- Nick D