A huge misconception that people have is that dating is easy for a Gay/Bisexual man. So many women right now are trying to play cupid and get the only two Gay people they know together as a couple. I mean, why not? They have so much in common: They're both Gay.This is far from the case. In fact, Homosexual Dating is MUCH MORE COMPLICATED than Heterosexual Dating.
For example: When a man meets a woman in a bar/club and they go out for drinks the next day, there is NO QUESTION that its a date. When a Gay man meets another and they go out for drinks the next day, that's NOT a date, they're just "hanging out." What the fuck is "Hanging Out?!"This is the kind of semantic nonsense we have to deal with that Straight people do not.
Other examples are "Friends First", "Friends with Exes"
and "Antiquated Gender Role"
bullshit that plagues gay culture like Cancer (I'll cover each of these in other posts). Don't get me wrong, dating women is no walk in the park. However as a man who has dated women in the past, I can tell you that it is in no way full of many variables and complications as when dealing with Gay/Bisexual men. So I've compiled this list of The Top 15 Reasons That You're Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man
. This is intended to not only educate heterosexuals on all the shit we have to deal with...but to also shine a light on the potential reason/reasons why you Gay readers may be hopelessly single.
This is the main killer of all potential relationships and even basic platonic friendships of many Gay men. You only need to briefly scour the many profiles on Gay dating sites to discover the laundry list of requirements Gay men place on one another. The most disturbing part about this is that MOST times the men are demanding prerequisites in others that they themselves do not even meet. Guys seem to all want this perfect fantasy "Superman" that they've created in their minds to "save" them, that more likely than not doesn't even exist. No one is perfect, not even yourself.
Many gay men will agree: Chatlines are for Hookups. Dating sites are for Hookups. Cell Phone Apps are for Hookups. Clubs are for Hookups. The large percentage of men you meet through the aforementioned methods will most likely just be looking for quick no-strings-attached sex. That's not to say that hookup sex never leads to relationships, but the chances for it are low. Check out our 10 Level Guide to Meeting Masculine Men
to find out alternative ways to meet men for more than just sex.
Look into the mirror and honestly ask yourself if you are worth the effort. You say Yes? Now look at your cell phone...is it ringing off the hook with potential dates? No? You have your REAL
answer...All jokes aside, no one is attractive to ALL men. We all have different tastes and preferences and something as simple as a poorly chosen tattoo around a belly button can soften even the hardest penis of a masculine Gay/Bisexual man. Focus on depending on more than your appearance and you'll find that more quality men will emerge.
See the remaining 15 Reasons That You're Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man
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No one likes fruit and vegetables that aren't ripe yet. No one likes undercooked food. Many Gay men see anyone 25 and younger as disasters waiting to happen, with good reason. At that age they are like horny puppies humping the first legs they see. It eventually passes with time, but not before they're potentially all used up. Alternatively, "Desirable Gay" seems to have an expiration date. After 27 years old, you're like an old loaf of bread: your edges start to harden until you are 40 and you're ready to just be thrown into the trash. This is how many Gays view older men. I say all this to say, there is an ageist attitude amongst Gay/Bisexual men that goes both ways (pun intended). This reason has no solution. It all comes down to what your intentions are for the potential relationship and how thick your skin is for potential rejection.
Gay men are obsessive about "sexiness" and the beauty of the male physique. This is a fact of life that has been around since the days of homosexuality amongst the Romans. It will not change. So it may be time to become more like the "Statue of David" and less like the "Statue of Buddha". Don't get me wrong. If weight is a constant struggle, don't risk your health by utilizing crazy diets and unsafe juice-fasting techniques. Also, I know there are men out there that are really into "thick" guys. However, they are often few and far between. Ironically, even many chubby guys that don't mind dating other men with a few extra pounds often get REJECTED because they are not "sexy" with six-pack abs and muscles. Once again, you have men desiring what they themselves are not even offering in return (see Reason #1).
Believe it or not, you can actually be TOO in-shape. Admittedly, I'm not into muscle guys. True, some of these men can be nice to look at and/or have a one night stand with...but that doesn't mean I would want to date them. Many guys such as myself are not interested in being with these overly muscular guys who drink protein shakes at the club...Okay, that was an exaggeration but not by much. Also, I've talked to many guys that feel intimidated by men all ripped and cut up. They say it makes them feel insecure to take off their own clothes eventually when it comes to intimacy. Lastly, many muscular men that I've known tend to put their standard for fitness on the other men they meet, causing a lot of disappointment. There's a reason that you can't find another masculine Gay/Bisexual man who has also been going to the gym 6 days a week for the last 10 years. They're rare.
Everyone knows that all the best Gay/Bisexual men to date are ALWAYS in the city that you are NOT currently living in...Keep moving until you find the man for you. Seriously though, even in heavily Gay populated cities like New York and Atlanta, weeding through and finding a decent match can be near impossible. Also, from what I've heard, long distance relationships where the two men START OFF in different cities/states never last. So what's the solution? Employ the stopgap methods of porn, masturbation, hookups and the companionship of platonic friends until your Mr. Right "Promoves" into your city.
Gay men need to be wined and dined. Watching movies on your laptop at your apartment with your two or three roommates because you do not have money and/or a car is not what a Gay man considers a great date. Once again, I'm exaggerating but not by much...we're speaking about a culture of men who place looks and material possessions over personality and intelligence. This is partly understandable as many men want to at least date someone that can pay their bills and be able to afford a trip out of town occasionally. The only advice here is to "get your financial weight up." If not only to widen your dating options but to also better yourself and your situation in the process.
This one boggles my mind. So many men who WANT relationships have told me that they're not looking. The old adage, "you'll find a match once you stop looking for one" is holding you back. Nothing ever gets sold if you don't advertise that it is for sale. You have to be proactive in your search much like you would in looking for employment. No one ever says, "you'll find a job once you stop looking for one." On the flip side to this, some men you meet will say "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" but what they really mean is, "I'm not looking for a relationship WITH YOU." Accept this and move on to someone who actually has the same goal in mind as you.
As I explained in the 10 Level Guide to Meeting Masculine Men
, everyone has their own Level of Gay Comfort. How “comfortable” a man is in doing certain things to meet other guys determines his level of comfort in being a Gay/Bisexual man of color. I'm at a level Eight on the list which means that while I'm still very discreet, I'm comfortable enough to go to a Gay club or a date another masculine discreet man. However there are many men out there who consider me TOO comfortable and would never want to be seen going to the movies or having dinner with a man in public. Some paranoid closeted men only want to "date" other paranoids like them. Alternatively, many men who are "Out" only want to date men more comfortable with their sexuality. Ironically, many "Out" men are turned on by "down low" men even though these guys would never want to be seen dead in their presence. Same in reverse, I once tried to date a dude who was VERY much a homosexual, but he was still in denial, even to himself. If even in private you can't even feel comfortable being Gay, you're just wasting both of our time.
This one is tricky. Gay men come in all sizes with many different tastes. There are masculine men who LOVE feminine guys. There are masculine guys who ONLY like other masculine men. There are even masculine men who like a mixture of the two, preferably when making noises in bed. As a naturally masculine man, I've been rejected countless times because I was too masculine. It can be intimidating to some men. You can't control the tastes of other individuals so there is no solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a proper match.
Let's face it: Some guys just don't want a relationship. From the many stories I've heard, Gay relationships can be messy, complicated and full of unnecessary drama and aggravation. I've spoken to many men that in lieu of a relationship are content with just looking online for an occasional "hookup" to get the need for sex out of their system. Also, I've met many men who were IN A RELATIONSHIP that ended up using me to cheat on their partner. Some men can't do commitment even in the process of trying. It's as if their brain is monogamous but their dick is the philanderer. To each his own. If you are the type of man who prefers to be single, remain that way.
I've met quite a few of these. These clingy relationship types often expect monogamy after your first date. They can be seen sending you "Good Morning" text messages DAILY the night after meeting you for the first time. They start planning for your future together before you even learn each others last names. Look, there's nothing wrong with getting excited once you've FINALLY found a man that meets your laundry list of standards and requirements, but there's no faster way to run him off than to let him know you've already started picking out the drapes for your new home together after only a few dates.
There's nothing worse than being a Top and finally meeting the perfect guy only to find out that he's ALSO a Top. Same applies to Total Bottoms meeting other Total Bottoms. Then there are Fully Versatile guys who find it boring to date Non-Versatile men. Then there are the Oral Only men and the Fetish men and the list goes on...Some will say that sexual position doesn't matter. Speaking from experience, it does. A man in a relationship that is unsatisfied sexually often starts to stray after awhile. Again, you can't control the sexual tastes of other individuals so there is not much of a solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a proper match.
This is the main reason that has kept me single for as long as I can remember. I seem to have a knack for meeting great men at the wrong time. From meeting him while I'm dating another guy, meeting him when I'm single but he's in a relationship, meeting him when he's just getting out of a relationship and he still hasn't severed his feelings for his Ex, meeting him just as he's cutting off all dating to focus on work/school, to meeting the perfect guy RIGHT BEFORE he's about to move to the other side of the country...My timing sucks. What I've learned to do is to just lower my expectations. I've tried to meet as many guys as possible (discreetly) and develop quality friendships at the least so that my network can be widened, thus creating more opportunities to meet quality guys in the future.
Well there you have it, the Top 15 Reasons That You're Still a Single Masculine Gay/Bisexual Man. Did one or more of the reasons apply to you as well? Let us know below what have you been doing to cope or to change your situation.
- Nick D